If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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