laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
