I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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