omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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