ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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