connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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