end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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