Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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