i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
