i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
