Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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