Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
