now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I love having hate sex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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