You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
