Little spoons don't ask big questions
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.