Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.