nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
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Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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