On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax