apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.