It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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