How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
