Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
