Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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