I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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