I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
