you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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