she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
