you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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