so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need a burrito and a hug.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
