there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
