to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
