the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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