remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
