Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
