Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
