those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
