In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
