whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
