farters have to be the big spoon...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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