Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
