I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm really busy with my period
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