You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
