Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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