i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
