My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
