I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
