we're chasing vodka with high fives
even my farts smell like vagina
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
