is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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