moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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