I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
