I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I had to cum in my sink.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
