I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
