I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
