when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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