I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Text me some of your sweat
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