I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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