Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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