too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
