we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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