It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
