you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
