some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
