How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
