What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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