Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
