I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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